Skatin' with a purpose

Join the Mad Rollin' Dolls on Saturday at the AIDS Walk, Roll, and Stroll. The Mad Rollin' Dolls will help to raise money for care and prevention services for our local AIDS network. We will be skating in the event which starts at 10AM on Saturday in Brittingham Park. Help the Mad Rollin' Dolls raise money by donating here. Then come out and cheer us on at the event.

fill in the blank fun

Here's something Joan of Anarchy gave me to post. It's a lot of fun, so I promised I would share with everyone. The idea is to fill in the parentheses with an appropriate (or sometimes inappropriate) answer.

When (name of DD jammer) is stuck behind the opposing pivot, she waits for (adjective) (name of teammate), or (adjective) (name of teammate), or (adjective) (name of teammate), or even (adjective) (name of teammate) to (verb) that pivot out of her way, since every point matters.

Here's what was given to me:
When Tatum is stuck behind the opposing pivot, she waits for hot Poca, or pink Jewels, or smelly Die, or even black-n-blue Hack to skate that pivot out of her way, since every point matters.

Anyone who's been around the DDs knows the cheer.

don't gimme no pop, no pop
don't gimme no tea, no tea
just gimme that milk
moo moo moo moo
Wisconsin milk
moo moo moo moo
bitch

Here is the fill in the blank version:
don't gimme no (noun), no (noun)
don't gimme no (noun), no (noun)
just gimme that (noun)
(animal noise)(animal noise)(animal noise)(animal noise)
Wisconsin (noun)
(animal noise)(animal noise)(animal noise)(animal noise)
(curse word)

and of course, what was given to me:
don't gimme no shoe, no refrigerator
don't gimme no food, no elbow
just gimme that car
oink moo cluck rawr
Wisconsin alcohol
hoot moo "ooh ooh ooh ah ah ah" meow
fuckers

don't you love the kind of stuff people give you at afterparties?

Bumbershoot Dairyland Dolls

Hell Kat reminded me that the Bumbershoot roster wasn't posted here, so here you go!

DAIRYLAND DOLLS

Bumbershoot Dolls


Crackerjack, 100 (Captain)
Jammer, blocker, pivot. Home team: Reservoir Dolls
2006 Honors: Season MVP; Most unpredictable; Highest average points per pass; Most Blocker Takedowns.
2005 Honors: Season MVP; Fastest Doll

Back Doris, 1134
Blocker, pivot. Home team: Unholy Rollers
A dangerous rookie, fast, powerful and smart.


Carrie A. HackSAW, 24
Jammer, blocker, pivot. Home team: Reservoir Dolls
2006 Most Valuable Pivot
A triple threat. A pack destroyer.

Dolly Pardon Me, 9-2-5
Jammer, blocker, pivot. Home team: Vaudeville Vixens
2006 season points: 164
She never misses a practice, and it shows.

Ilsa Von Blutsterne, 9
Blocker. Home team: Unholy Rollers
2006 most jams played
She’s got speed, stature, smarts, and a ton of experience kicking ass.

Jewels of Denile, 99
Jammer, pivot, blocker. Home team: Unholy Rollers
2006 Honors: Most Feared; Season points: 159; Most Jammer Takedowns
2005 Fastest Doll; 2005 Most Versatile Doll; 2005 Most Valuable Jammer.

Lizzie Borden, 79
Blocker, pivot. Home team: Quad Squad
Seasoned Dairyland Doll player, all-around threat.

Mouse, 4
Jammer, blocker. Home team: Reservoir Dolls (Captain)
2006 Fastest Doll
Fantastic jammer, quick and smart.

Paine Mansfield, 888
Pivot, blocker. Home team: Reservoir Dolls
A strong second-year player and an experienced Dairyland Doll.

Pocahotass, 90210
Jammer, pivot, blocker. Hometeam: Reservoir Dolls
A fast, low skater, she packs serious heat.

Princess Die, 5
Pivot, blocker. Home team: Quad Squad
Most Jammer Takedowns, 2006; Most Valuable Pivot, 2006
Most Valuable Pivot, 2005.

Tatum Tantrum, 97
Jammer, blocker. Home team: Reservoir Dolls
Fast, slippery jammer; average 3 points per jam.

Vanna White Trash, 28
Blocker. Home team: Quad Squad
A core Dairyland Dolls player, fast and brutal.

Scabs, 8
Blocker. Home team: Reservoir Dolls
A solid blocker with quick feet, she’s like a blur of pain.

I would be remiss in my duties if I didn't mention the fantastic job by bench manager Joan of Anarchy and Ilsa Von Blutsterne. Also thanks to Amazing Disgrace, who was, in fact, amazing as tour manager.

championship results

It was a real clash of titans. The Texacutioners went into halftime with a solid lead, but the Rat City Rollergirls came on strong in the second period. The announcers had the crowd on their feet for the last jam and it was one of the most exciting moments of the day. Despite a deficit of 11 points with 2 minutes to go, the Rat City Rollergirls played like they meant it and almost pulled off the biggest upset in the history of flat track derby. In the end, the Texecutioners held on to win the Bumberbout Invitational Tournament 74-69.

The final standings:
1st place Texas
2nd Rat City
3rd Mad Rollin' Dolls
4th Minnesota

It's unfortunate Tucson and Arizona didn't make it to the tournament, but the results of this competition should shake things up a bit in the national rankings. Texas is obviously top dog and Tucson should remain a close second until someone knocks them off, but Rat City really impressed the derby crowd and look like a solid 3rd. Eventually the Dairyland Dolls will have a chance to put them to the test, but for now I would have to say we are pretty much even with Arizona to round out the top 5 in the country. Of course this is just my opinion, but having seen dozens of bouts from coast to coast, I feel pretty comfortable with this assessment of the derby landscape.

Grudge match final score!

Despite being two of the oldest flat track leagues in the country, the Dairyland Dolls and Minnesota Rollergirls have only faced each other once. Eight days ago they played the first baseball stadium bout in over 30 years, drawing over 1100 rain-soaked fans. It was a fun, entertaining bout – not at all like the battle fought today.

The first period of the Grudge Match was a hard-hitting affair, with the paramedics coming out twice. Tatum Tantrum was elbowed in the throat, taking her out of the game, but after the period she came up to let us know she was ok. The score was tight for the first part of the period, but monstrous hits by Scabs in two different jams rattled the cages of the Minnesota skaters. The first forced Jawbreaker to call off the jam early. A few jams later, after getting completely boxed in by Paine Mansfield and Princess Die, Rebel Stella got knocked out by Scabs. With the Dolls leading 40-26, Carrie A. HackSAW ran up the score while the Minnesota jammer, Lizzie the Axe, sat in the penalty box. At the end of the period, the Dairyland Dolls were comfortably in the lead 58-28.

The first period of the Championship bout saw a fired up crowd cheering for the hometown Rat City Rollergirls against the defending national champion Texecutioners. Hanging tough, the Rat City skaters were only down 39-24.

The second period of the Grudge Match wasn’t quite the caliber we saw in the first half. With a 30 point lead, the intensity turned to tension and tempers started to flare. There were a few extra hits and a lot more time spent in the penalty box for both teams. Occasionally it was hard to tell if there was a pack, since both sides skated short so often. One highlight was a 10 point jam by Mouse, stretching the lead to 70-30 early in the period. Jewels of Denile got in plenty of good hits, knocking Desicration on her ass at least once, much to the pleasure of the crowd. The time went by fast and the game ended with the Dairyland Dolls skating off with 3rd place in the tournament by a score of 96-50.

Stay tuned, since the Dairyland Dolls travel to Minnesota for a rematch October 21st!

I'm on my way back to the championship game. Hopefully I'll get another blog posted tonight, but no guarantees.

Pool 2 update

As expected, the final bout in pool 1 was no contest. The Texecutioners pounded the Kansas City Roller Warriors 62-16, putting them into the Championship bout later tonight and opening the door for the Dairyland Dolls to play the 3rd place Grudge Match.

The story in Pool 2 was the collision course between Rat City and Minnesota. Both teams blew past their competition, setting up a battle worthy of the venue. Unfortunately, as a certain Star Trek character once said, "having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting." Minnesota has a reputation for hard-hitting action, but Rat City took it all and gave it all back with a vengeance. Paramedics were called at least twice in the first 5 minutes of the bout, with both skaters able to walk over to the bench after some help. In the end, the home town crowd provided fuel to the fire as Rat City booked a spot in the Championship with a 46-24 victory. The Grudge Match will be just that, as Minnesota will play the Dairyland Dolls for the second time in 8 days.

Results of pool 2:
Bay Area 29 Minnesota 53
Carolina 27 Rat City 64
Minnesota 55 Carolina 35
Bay Area 13 Rat City 68
Bay Area 24 Carolina 30
Minnesota 24 Rat City 46

Special Note: Rat City was so far ahead in their bouts that their blockers started giving leg whips to their jammers. Instead of extending a hand to help them along, they offered a foot to whip them ahead. None of the announcers had ever seen that in a bout before.

More results later tonight if possible. No later than tomorrow morning.

Bumberbout update! pool 1

Bumberbout started with an old fashioned ass whoopin’ with the Texecutioners beating down the Boston Stranglers by a score of 56-13

The Dairlyland Dolls opened up their tournament play against the Kansas City Roller Warriors. Last summer a group of Mad Rollin’ Dolls and Kansas City skaters joined forces, winning the Rollercon 2005 scavenger hunt. Today those friendships were set aside as soon as the whistle blew. The Dairyland Dolls jumped out to an early lead behind strong jams by Mouse and Dolly Pardon Me, but the KC Roller Warriors came storming back, closing the gap to 27-25 halfway through the period. The DDs came on strong with some punishing hits by Hacksaw and Lizzie Borden, knocking the KC jammers into the boards. The final three jams saw the DD jammers pull away while the defense kept Kansas City off the scoreboard. Final score 41-28.

In the most anticipated match of Pool 1, the Dairyland Dolls finally faced the Texecutioners. Having missed out on the opportunity to play each other in the Dust Devil earlier this year, both teams were ready to rumble. The Dairyland Dolls came out on fire, taking a 7-4 lead after the first two jams. That was about it until late in the period, since the Texecutioners put down the hammer defensively and squeezed out a handful of points each jam, taking a 28-8 lead with a few minutes left in the game. The Dairyland Dolls fought back at the end, but the contest was already decided. When the final whistle blew, the Texecutioners showed everyone why they are the defending champions, winning 37-12.

In their third bout, the Dairyland Dolls took on the Boston Stranglers. Boston just came off a 42-18 loss to the Kansas City Roller Warriors and were looking to bounce back against the Dolls, but it was not meant to be. Right from the start the Dairyland Dolls’ blockers kept the Boston jammers under control, while Mouse, Dolly Pardon Me and Pocahotass racked up the points. Leaving no doubt about their claim to the grudge match later tonight, the Dairyland Dolls snuffed out the Boston Stranglers 47-8.

Right now Kansas City is playing Texas and has to win by over 20 points for us to get knocked out of the grudge match. Won't happen.

Pool 2 updates later tonight with Grudge Match and Championship results to follow.

this is not your flight to bismark

It's Saturday morning and I'm just checking the connection before meeting everyone for breakfast. As we landed in Minneapolis, the flight attendant announced that because of unexpected circumstances, this was not the flight to Bismark and everyone would have to exit the plane. The trip out to Seattle wasn't too bad, but as soon as Betty Bloodlust and I found our seats in the back row, two kids started screaming and crying nearby. All I could think was "this is not your flight to Bismark." Unfortunately, airline service just isn't what it used to be. On a four hour flight they had water and orange juice for free and you could by a snack for $2. For those of you who know about the trip to New York last summer, you understand when I say at least we didn't take Amtrak...

The action gets started in about 4 hours. I don't know if there's a connection at the arena, so I'll do my best to keep things updated. We play Kansas City and Texas back to back and then get a short break before taking on the BAD Girls. I'm hoping to post results while the other pool skates.